Love at First Byte – the #book #blogging

It was easier to get the twins to agree. Something about NanaG made them want to be at their best behaviour tonight. They had eaten their dinner and left their plates to one side. All we had to do was get them out of play clothes and into some clothes NanaG had bought after taking turns in the bathroom. She had some spare adult-sized toothbrushes and paste. Then the blue walled bathroom featured a showerhead and bucket, the latter of which became handy for the quick wash. The kids were eager to show their independence so I stayed and watched them in turn whilst NanaG made herself scarce. In about 10 to 15 minutes she had reappeared to say the spare room was ready. After brushing their teeth and dressing in their new-found wear, we moved to the room. How did she know this day would come? She said something about wanting to treat them for their birthday which was in a month.

Looking for a p! #blog

Looking for a p! #blog

When a woman’s role is misplaced, a man’s is displaced and replaced!

Why in the world is a woman looking for a penis? (The latter will be referred to as ‘the p’)

A very strange request. I think but maybe not so strange in a world of increasingly domineering women and feminist enthusiasts.

I am not sure I even know what that word means.

What is wrong with men and women accepting that we are physically, emotionally and somewhat intellectually uniquely designed, each one? (I accept there are physical ‘hermaphrodites’ – inter sex individuals)

Has the women empowerment movement gone mad?

Do we need men empowerment now too? We all need to be empowered. Yes. We need to recognise that we have power. Choice. Purpose. Passion. And can do ‘great things’ to change the world but power in the wrong hands leads to chaos.

So back to my question. Why does a woman need the p? Because Maybe she has accepted that the role a p carrier is no longer useful, beneficial, value adding or essential. When God said ‘it’s not good for a man to be alone, I will make him a helper meet for him’ I think He had a plan. Why do we constantly fight against that plan so natural, so evident, so real?

A quick shopping glance for the p’s Online (for a relative) revealed a whole range of sizes, shapes, texture, calibre, accessories and more. I was given some measurements to follow at 2 and a half by 6 inches whatever that means. Now imagine my confusion when medical knowledge and experience displays a wide opening for a baby to be born. (You know what I mean by opening, right – vagina =v).

Finding the right size

Ma’am my friend asks, “do we have measurements for the v?”

A crucial question when you understand the background of the request. Anyway I was charged with finding a p for a relative because a previous purchase proved too large and caused bruising.

Why?

It didn’t fit. It was too big so we had to find the right fitting p.

And my response was, why not do it the natural way and find a man? The response men were going to take control and take advantage of her.

What does that even mean?

A friend’s response to that was, “why does she not sign a contract with a man for just that?” And the reply, the last time that offer was on the plate, the man said “I will sign but you will also buy me a house for my wife and Kids!”

Are things this bad?

What has material wealth or possessions got to do with sex? Apparently almost everything in today’s world. Forgive me for being so naive as First Lady always says to me.

I brought the problem to a team of women friends. Laughter and disbelief and Maybe scorn greeted my utterance.

We still had a job to do.
So we had to find the right p with exact fitting and measurements. Aside from laughter, we decided that it was probably best to browse online, rather than visit a sex shop.

How would I explain to anyone who mattered what I was doing with those gadgets if I run into someone who knew me? I was reluctant to pursue that angle so one of my friends had to go it alone.

Armed with her hubby who was so embarrassed he stopped halfway down the track to the shop, and with children going off for ice cream she marched into the shop with a certain air of ‘I don’t care what people think’ in her walk.

“ I’m looking for a p!” she informed the sales lady who confused, asked “a p?” and looks to her manager for support in a quizzical way. “Do you mean a …”. Sorry can’t remember what it’s called. So my friend says “yes.”

Now there was laughter and more of the disbelieving type when she proceeds to explain , “no it’s not for me, it’s for a friend’s…” She was interrupted by a laughing bunch of sales people as other shoppers joined in to come to the rescue to explain what she was looking for and how to use it.

Love at First Byte – the #book #blogging

NanaG had a song for the mix.

Pancakes are the easiest to make

“Start the bowl with a warm rinse

Melt the butter in a little heat

Crack the eggs but not with a fist

Pour in the milk and give the mix a twist

Fold in the flour, show off your power

Top it all up with choice spice all over!”

My little girl was rehearsing her poem and changing the words all the time. She got herself bouncing from one foot to the other; reminding me of how carefree I had been so many years before…

The thoughts of how I would sing about Jesus and happily dance came flooding back. This was not the time to brood. But I had hardly slept all night because my mind had been in some turmoil.

Love at First Byte – the #book #blogging

She was a beautiful dark-skinned woman of African descent, not quite old enough to be my mum but was full of wisdom. I was lucky to have her as she made parenting or co-parenting, in this case, a tidy responsibility. She was in her early 60s and had 2 children who were married and long gone. Looking after my children were her way of giving back and staying young. I met her one day when I was out shopping with the children about 5 years ago. It was quite a chore trying to get the kids to pay attention and do as told whilst in the shops. As little as they were, both under 5, they would charge off in all directions as soon as they were got outside the car. It would become a game of hide and seek, me shouting their names, running after them, trying to maintain order, quickly locking the car door and catching up with them but not all in that order. It was while trying to find them that I ran into Gracie.