Love at First Byte – the #book #blogging

It was easier to get the twins to agree. Something about NanaG made them want to be at their best behaviour tonight. They had eaten their dinner and left their plates to one side. All we had to do was get them out of play clothes and into some clothes NanaG had bought after taking turns in the bathroom. She had some spare adult-sized toothbrushes and paste. Then the blue walled bathroom featured a showerhead and bucket, the latter of which became handy for the quick wash. The kids were eager to show their independence so I stayed and watched them in turn whilst NanaG made herself scarce. In about 10 to 15 minutes she had reappeared to say the spare room was ready. After brushing their teeth and dressing in their new-found wear, we moved to the room. How did she know this day would come? She said something about wanting to treat them for their birthday which was in a month.

Looking for a p! #blog

Looking for a p! #blog

When a woman’s role is misplaced, a man’s is displaced and replaced!

Why in the world is a woman looking for a penis? (The latter will be referred to as ‘the p’)

A very strange request. I think but maybe not so strange in a world of increasingly domineering women and feminist enthusiasts.

I am not sure I even know what that word means.

What is wrong with men and women accepting that we are physically, emotionally and somewhat intellectually uniquely designed, each one? (I accept there are physical ‘hermaphrodites’ – inter sex individuals)

Has the women empowerment movement gone mad?

Do we need men empowerment now too? We all need to be empowered. Yes. We need to recognise that we have power. Choice. Purpose. Passion. And can do ‘great things’ to change the world but power in the wrong hands leads to chaos.

So back to my question. Why does a woman need the p? Because Maybe she has accepted that the role a p carrier is no longer useful, beneficial, value adding or essential. When God said ‘it’s not good for a man to be alone, I will make him a helper meet for him’ I think He had a plan. Why do we constantly fight against that plan so natural, so evident, so real?

A quick shopping glance for the p’s Online (for a relative) revealed a whole range of sizes, shapes, texture, calibre, accessories and more. I was given some measurements to follow at 2 and a half by 6 inches whatever that means. Now imagine my confusion when medical knowledge and experience displays a wide opening for a baby to be born. (You know what I mean by opening, right – vagina =v).

Finding the right size

Ma’am my friend asks, “do we have measurements for the v?”

A crucial question when you understand the background of the request. Anyway I was charged with finding a p for a relative because a previous purchase proved too large and caused bruising.

Why?

It didn’t fit. It was too big so we had to find the right fitting p.

And my response was, why not do it the natural way and find a man? The response men were going to take control and take advantage of her.

What does that even mean?

A friend’s response to that was, “why does she not sign a contract with a man for just that?” And the reply, the last time that offer was on the plate, the man said “I will sign but you will also buy me a house for my wife and Kids!”

Are things this bad?

What has material wealth or possessions got to do with sex? Apparently almost everything in today’s world. Forgive me for being so naive as First Lady always says to me.

I brought the problem to a team of women friends. Laughter and disbelief and Maybe scorn greeted my utterance.

We still had a job to do.
So we had to find the right p with exact fitting and measurements. Aside from laughter, we decided that it was probably best to browse online, rather than visit a sex shop.

How would I explain to anyone who mattered what I was doing with those gadgets if I run into someone who knew me? I was reluctant to pursue that angle so one of my friends had to go it alone.

Armed with her hubby who was so embarrassed he stopped halfway down the track to the shop, and with children going off for ice cream she marched into the shop with a certain air of ‘I don’t care what people think’ in her walk.

“ I’m looking for a p!” she informed the sales lady who confused, asked “a p?” and looks to her manager for support in a quizzical way. “Do you mean a …”. Sorry can’t remember what it’s called. So my friend says “yes.”

Now there was laughter and more of the disbelieving type when she proceeds to explain , “no it’s not for me, it’s for a friend’s…” She was interrupted by a laughing bunch of sales people as other shoppers joined in to come to the rescue to explain what she was looking for and how to use it.

All in a morning…

“It’s my birthday” says the honourable lady. “Let’s have breakfast at the inn” I was so excited. It’s easier to get-up-and-go now, because the children are older and more independent. Did I say that I’m a single mum to 3 young adults, 18, 20 and 21? I’ll leave it with you to work out my…

Love at First Byte – the #book #blogging

“Mum, Mum! Chantelle was frantic with excitement as she shook me to rouse me out of sleep. “Can we go and meet Jesus with NanaG please?” I should have expected this to happen sometime soon, I think. I could smell the delicious air of baking coming from the kitchen and it got stronger as the door opened wider to reveal another excited Jordan who was neatly dressed in a slightly-oversized white shirt and wine coloured big and seam adjusted corduroy trousers. They were also folded at the ankles at that did not seem to matter to these children. Thank you was not enough to say to Gracie who was walking towards me with a plate in hand. She handed me the most mouth-watering pancakes I had had in a long time. “Ah” you didn’t have to, I said politely.