Looking for a p! #blog

When a woman’s role is misplaced, a man’s is displaced and replaced!

 

Why in the world is a woman looking for a penis?

(The latter will be referred to as ‘the P’)

A very strange request I think, but maybe not so strange in a world of increasingly domineering women and feminist enthusiasts. I am not sure I even know what the latter  word means.

What is wrong with men and women accepting that we are physically, emotionally and somewhat intellectually uniquely designed each one? (I accept there are physical ‘hermaphrodites’ – inter sex individuals)

 

 

Has the women empowerment movement gone mad? 

Do we need men empowerment now too? We all need to be empowered. Yes. We need to recognise that we have power. Choice. Purpose. Passion. And can do ‘great things’ to change the world but power in the wrong hands leads to chaos.

So back to my question…Why does a woman need the P? Because maybe she has accepted that the role a P carrier is no longer useful, beneficial, value adding or essential. When God said ‘it’s not good for a man to be alone, I will make him a helper meet for him’ I think He had a plan. Why do we constantly fight against that plan so natural, so evident, and so real?

A quick shopping glance for the P’s Online (for a relative) revealed a whole range of sizes, shapes, texture, calibre, accessories and more. I was given some measurements to follow at 2 and a half by 6 inches whatever that means. Now imagine my confusion when medical knowledge and experience displays a wide opening for a baby to be born. (You know what I mean by opening, right – vagina =v).

Finding the right size 

ChiChi my friend asks, “Do we have measurements for the v?”

A crucial question when you understand the background of the request. Anyway I was charged with finding a P for a relative because a previous purchase proved too large and caused bruising.

Why?

It didn’t fit. It was too big so we had to find the right fitting P. And my response was, “why not do it the natural way and find a man?” The response I got, was to the effect that men were going to take control and take advantage of her.

What does that even mean? Michael, another male friend’s response to that was, “why does she not sign a contract with a man for just that?” And the reply, the last time that offer was on the plate, the man said “I will sign but you will also buy me a house for my wife and Kids!”

Are things this bad? 

What has material wealth or possessions got to do with sex? Apparently almost everything in today’s world does. Forgive me for being so naive as First Lady always says to me. I brought the problem to a group of women friends. Laughter and disbelief and maybe scorn greeted my utterance. But we still had a job to do.

So we had to find the right P with exact fitting and measurements. Aside from laughter, we decided that it was probably best to browse online, rather than visit a sex shop.

 

How would I explain to anyone who mattered what I was doing with those gadgets if I run into someone who knew me?

 

I was reluctant to pursue that angle so one of my friends had to go it alone. Armed with her hubby who was so embarrassed he stopped halfway down the track to the shop, and with children going off for ice cream she marched into the shop with a certain air of ‘I don’t care what people think’ in her walk.

“I’m looking for a P!” she declared as she informed the sales lady who confused, asked “a P?”  She looks to her manager for support in a quizzical way.  “Do you mean a dildo…”. Sorry can’t remember what it’s called. So my friend answers “yes.”

Now there was laughter, more of the disbelieving type when she proceeds to explain, “No it’s not for me, it’s for a friend’s…” She was interrupted by a laughing bunch of sales people at the desk, not only attracting but inviting other shoppers who joined in the quest for a P. So there were shoppers coming to the rescue, to explain names for the different ranges of gadgets and she was looking for and how to use it.

So ChiChi had the whole shop helping to find the P. She then reached for her phone to ask me for measurements. She called but I was unavailable and later greeted by recurring vibration of the iPhone as colourful and graphic (difficult to explain to a pastor) type photos of different sizes and shapes of Ps landed. These arrived, coupled with voice messages requesting I call back to confirm the size of choice! She left behind raucous laughter as she headed off home with the pictures safely printed on the digital network in her phone.

I had only just realised we had a big problem on our hands! How could we tell which was the right size, shape, drive and power for purpose?

A day later, a friend, Kylie, who heard of our predicament offered to donate a mistakenly delivered red parcel of P. Phew! Problem solved I thought, until when the representative of the recipient saw the P we got. They claimed it was too big! I knew it was too big too as earlier that day, we had performed a measuring ceremony of the height and circumference of the gifted piece but I had now had enough of this ‘man hunt’.

Tired of trying to fulfill this task, I sent word back that I could do no more about the P quest. I asked that the enquirer go online, locate the desired and exact specifications required, get catalogue number and purchase it there.

Where would it be delivered?

To my address of course. And then I would still have to find some explaining to do if the package got in the wrong hands.

Isn’t it amazing how many people in the church, world suffer?!

Story is not over, our P gift giver, Kylie leans over today to ask if the P was fit for purpose, from a bus parked at a stop waiting for a change of drivers. Now I hope this story does not stay with me as I had her reply in an excited and louder voice, “I will try and find a smaller one” to a nonplussed me, and the chagrin of the other female passengers and amusement of the male ones!

See what I mean?

 

#womenslivesmatter  #sexmatters  #sexlifematters  #blog  #blogpost #womenempowerment

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Want previous stories in print?: see here